


After the rain

by mareen



Category: Signs
Genre: Incest, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-13
Updated: 2009-11-13
Packaged: 2017-10-02 13:56:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mareen/pseuds/mareen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When it is over, Merrill finally had time to think. He doesn't like what he is thinking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	After the rain

**Author's Note:**

> As usual, Gail beta-read and there wasn't one comma outside the quotes she had to correct this time. Yeah! Cornelia and Cora read it before it was done and they liked it...which was kind of cool. :)

When it was all over, when Morgan was breathing normally and could walk and talk, when Graham had calmed down a bit and took Bo into his arms and Merrill`s hands stopped trembling and his tears were gone, he went and got a large black plastic bag from under the kitchen sink.

It was probably a mistake. He knew that even while he ripped it open to make a cover. Because it had all been in the books and on TV: there was always a governmental investigation. They were the "Government". They'd have questions and would take pictures of the surroundings and write an official report about what had happened. Maybe they would try to figure out if the Alien still posed a thread, so they might even want to cut it open right there in their living room, besides their couch and in front of the fallen over tv. Cut it open, have a look inside, question Bo about the water, Morgan about his asthma, Graham and himself about their family... They'd take it all apart, all of it, put it in their boxes, label it and store it away somewhere. And it was just not right. Just not right to have their home violated like that, no matter if it was by some creatures from outer space or some government officials. It just wasn't right.

So, Merrill thought, the body had to get out of the living room. He had to bury it somewhere, clean up the house, had to make it their home again instead of a battlefield.

Merrill could feel his heart beating loud and hard against his chest. His fist was clenching around the plastic bag, but he forced himself to look down at the dead creature at his feet.

It wasn't so bad. At least that was what he wanted to make himself believe. It really wasn't so bad if you looked at it now. Yes, it was tall, big, dark, strong, but... And he realised it was still terrifying. It was incredibly terrifying, enough to have his hands start shaking again. But not so bad now as it had been before, he supposed, because he had done it and killed it, just like Graham had asked him to do. "Swing away, Merrill." And he had. Because Graham was his big brother and most of the time he knew what was the right thing to do and they had to protect the children...their family and their home. So at that moment, there hadn't been that much time to actually...think... to be afraid. Instead he had swung and he had hit the glasses of water and then the creature itself. Hitten hard, as hard as he could, until his bat, his 587 footer bat, was broken. Until he was sure the creature was dead.

But now there was time to think. And he suddenly knew what happened and what it meant and what *could* have happened... When Merrill let himself down on his knees beside it, he felt like an old man. He hurt, not just his body, but his whole self and he felt so incredibly...heavy. Like as something was pulling his insides together, crushing him, making it so hard to breathe.

His hands were shaking again when he spread the cover on the ground and for just a second he hesitated, before he managed to touch it.

When Merrill was a kid, he, Graham and their Mom had gone to a circus and he still remembered how Graham had held him up so he could touch an elephant's trunk. The dead creature's skin felt just like that, dry and hot and rugged. And it was the memory, the good memory of Graham holding him, of the clowns and the apes and the taste of cotton candy that held Merrill upright while he took the creature's arm and rolled it over onto the cover.

He moved to its other side and pushed until the cover started to wrap around it. He pushed again and the dark body vanished inside the plastic bag. After that, it was easier to touch and to push, but once he was done, Merrill`s breathing came hard and in short gasps anyway and the urge to vomit was nearly overwhelming. He hated this. He hated this so much and he wished everything would be back to the way it was before.

"Are we going to bury it in the garden?" Bo said.

Merrill looked up at her. She was holding Graham's hand, who was holding Morgan in his arms and all three of them were in the door-frame and stared at him with the exact intent and expectant look in their eyes.

"I don't know," Merrill said. "Maybe."

Never, he suddenly thought. He met Graham's eyes, who after a beat sat Morgan on the couch, came over and took the creature by its feet. They shared another look. Then Merrill took its head and they pulled up at the same time and started to carry it out of their home.

***

"They want to sleep in the family room."

Merrill looked up at Graham and nodded. He dragged on his cigarette and stared out at the corn again. It was night, pitch black, except for the lights of a helicopter flying over their heads now and then and the hectic flickering of the tv in the living room. There had been a lot of helicopters since morning.

Graham sat beside him on the front porch. "I thought you threw them all away," he said softly.

He drew on his cigarette again and inhaled deeply. "I'm going to burn the body tomorrow morning," Merrill said.

Silence. Things Merrill thought about that moment: the warm night, the creature wrapped up in a black plastic bag, the upcoming corn harvest, finding Isabelle, their German Sheperd, ripped apart in the front yard, the feeling of Graham sitting beside him, the creature trying to kill Morgan, the children sleeping peacefully in the family room, joining the army, hiding away in their own basement in the dark, Morgan's medicine in the living room, Bo leaving water all over their house, hitting the five hundred and eighty seven footer over the left field wall, the cracking of bones when he smashed the bat against the creatures body, the heat radiating off Graham's body, being terribly afraid.

Then suddenly the feeling of Graham's arm around his shoulders, the slow circling of Graham's hand over his back. Burying his face between Graham's neck and shoulder and holding him and being held by him. And crying. Feeling and hearing Graham cry with him. Graham's fingers in his hair.

Later they just sat there with their shoulders touching and Graham's hand holding his in a tight grasp. They sat there silently all through the night, staring at the corn until the morning sun came out, and each of them had a bucket filled with water at his side.

***

16 cigarettes left.

He stared down at the package while he stood in front of the fire. He was thinking about smoking one last just so something would cover the smell of the creature's burning flesh in his nose. But the children were awake and in the front yard with Graham and he didn't want them to see him smoking. He had stopped before Morgan was born, because when he'd heard that he was going to be an uncle he'd wanted to be a role model. He'd wanted to be like Graham and he had wanted Graham to be proud of him. So no more cigarettes, no more getting wasted with the buddies, no more sleeping around. Everybody else had thought he'd turned into a stinking bore. But it didn't matter, because Graham didn't think so, Morgan didn't and Bo didn't either. They liked him the way he was.

He winced when he realised that as always, his train of thought hadn't included Colleen. Graham's wife. What kind of person was he, actually? It wasn't that he hadn't liked her. He had. But she had never been...part of him. Like Graham and the children. Never really part of *his* family or what he saw of as his family. She had never mattered as much to him as she should have.

Suddenly angry, he thrust the cigarettes into the fire. The creature's body was a black figure inside the flames.

***

The Government came later that day. Four soldiers and two doctors, landing in their cornfield with one of those helicopters that had circled over their home during the last 24 hours. They had Graham tell them about Morgan's asthma and Bo's glasses of water but didn't look especially convinced of or interested in that part of the story. The children were playing on the swing and now and then looked over to see what they were doing. Merrill could hear Bo wondering if they'd get a new dog and he smiled.

When they asked about the creature, he told them about the baseball bat and they nodded politely and asked to see the body. Graham was a soothing presence behind his shoulder, while Merrill stoically listened to their rambling about him destroying evidence. He thought he would care about what they'd say about the burning, but he actually didn't. He felt Graham moving nearer until their bodies were touching and he kept on concentrating on that touch until it was all there was.

Graham. Graham's breathing. The rustling of Graham's clothes. Graham's body heat. He moved some more towards it, turned his hand until his fingertips touched the inside of Graham's wrist and let them glide over the soft skin. A shiver ran through him. And that was when he knew that he was in deep shit.

***

"Attention...soldier."

Merrill's reflection in the mirror pulled itself up into a motionless, military position and it was obvious it tried to look like a bad ass, but all it managed was a face that was trying too hard and still looked nothing but sad and scared.

"At ease," Merrill whispered, and his body somehow crumbled. He had to keep himself up by grabbing the bathroom sink and holding onto it. His breathing came in short gasps and he realised late that it was mostly because he had started repeating "Oh god oh god oh god" again and again.

There'd been guys in his life and Merrill had never felt bad about it. It was how it was and he couldn't, and wouldn't want to, change that. But this...this was way out of "normal behavior" league and it wasn't "okay". This was seriously fucked up. *He* was seriously fucked up and he had to get out of there. He was...

His brother. Graham was his *brother*. And it had been just a moment. Just this one moment of total madness....but it was enough to make him start thinking.

Merrill retched.

***

They slept in the family room again that night but all together this time. Morgan and Bo on the couch, Merrill and Graham on the ground, wrapped up in their sleeping-bags.

He had actually planned on putting as much space as possible between himself and his brother, to protect him, but somehow Graham had managed to lie right beside him.

Merrill felt tortured and sick again.

Like the children, Graham had fallen asleep almost immediately, but unlike them, his sleep was restless. He was always just a moment from waking up and every time that happened, Merrill felt the urge to run his hand through Graham's short dark hair to calm him down, like he would have done in the past. But that was the past and everything was different now.

It was 2 a.m. when he admitted to himself that obviously he wouldn't fall asleep the second night in a row and that he just couldn't keep on watching Graham in his sleep, so he stood up and went out to stand in the front yard.

It was a warm and clear night again and the moon was shining down at him. Merrill stared up at the stars.

The total number of currently known extrasolar planets according to Morgan's book: 115

He wondered where they'd come from. Had it been one of the 115 planets? Had it been one no one on Earth knew about yet? And why had they come? Did they destroy their environmental system and now they were out there to search for a new home? Or were they nothing but a species of conquerors? Was there an Alien equivalent for oil they needed that much they'd kill for it?

He took a deep breath. Creatures from Outer Space. Like in science fiction, like in those books he'd read as a kid. They were not alone out here. And he suddenly felt incredibly small and incredibly important at the same time.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Merrill closed his eyes. "No," he said.

Graham stood beside him in his sweatpants and his T-Shirt. "Me neither," he said. "I can't...I'm always thinking there might be one left. - They are saying they must have all left when they realised that 75 percent of this planet could kill them, but..." Graham stopped suddenly.

Together they stared at the stars.

"Do you think we can see their planet from here?" Graham wondered.

"I might join the army," Merrill answered. But it sounded more like "Imightjointhearmy."

Graham didn't say a word. He just nodded without taking his eyes of the sky.

"I won't leave if you ask me to, but...I've been thinking about it for a while...and I'm thinking I might have to...And I...I think I have to...get out for a while." His breathing came in short, nervous gasps again and the urge to turn and run was nearly overwhelming. Until Graham suddenly stood in front of him and put his hands on both of his shoulders. His gaze was intense and it forced Merrill to calm down. But he couldn't meet Graham's eyes. He just couldn't do it.

"I love you, you know that," Graham said softly. "And I do understand. That you need to live your own life is reasonable enough."

His fingers dug into Merrill's shoulders and Merrill could feel one of them caressing him soothingly.

"But," Graham went on, nearly whispering now, "I also think there is something else going on here. Because if there wouldn't...you could look me in the eye."

"I can't tell you...I can't. I can't look at you and..."

"Has this something to do with the last few days?"

"No! No, I just...Or maybe. Maybe yes. Maybe it's all there is. But if I'd tell you...you would hate me. It would all break apart." Tears were streaming down his face by now and sniffing, Merrill wiped them away angrily with the ball of his hand.

"Nothing would break apart, Merrill," Graham whispered furiously. "Nothing ever could. You are my family. You and the children... there's nothing else that means as much to me as you do. Nothing could ever change that."

"This could, Graham....god....This could. I just couldn't look at you ever again..."

"Then...if you wouldn't have to... If you didn't have to face me in the morning and nothing of this would have ever happened...could you tell me then? I promise you, Merrill. I promise. Just let me help you."

If there was no tomorrow... He was crazy. God he knew, he was crazy...but...

"Close your eyes..." Merrill whispered.

Graham gave a little sigh of acknowledgement. Slowly, he let go of Merrill's shoulders and was standing very still. When Merrill managed to look up he could see Graham's closed eyes in the light of the full moon.

He didn't know what to do at first. He could just still turn and leave and pack his things. Or make something up. Lie to Graham for the first time in his life. But at the same time, he knew couldn't lie and he knew he had to...he had to do this. Just once.

So he bent forward, to that piece of skin where Graham's shoulders met his neck, right at the hem of his white Barron's minor league baseball T-Shirt... "Don't let me fall," he whispered and he kissed Graham right there. A dry, chaste kiss until the tip of his tongue, just the tip, flickered out. It wasn't much, in was nothing really in the greater scheme of all things between God and the Universe and some aliens from outer space. But between them...for Merrill...it was *everything*. It was electric.

He felt Graham shudder under his tongue and felt him pull away until suddenly he seemed to change his mind, and moved forward and into the touch instead. The reaction made Merrill pull back in shock, and he was suddenly angry at Graham for not hitting him and intoxicated and excited and so much more, all at the same time...such a turmoil inside his head...

He was just standing there for a second, and when he looked at Graham he realised that they both were breathing hard, and his brother's eyes were bright and big in the moonlight, staring at him.

And Merrill knew...

"I love you, Graham," he said. "And the kids. So very much. - But I have to leave."

"You don't have to," Graham answered. "You don't have to. - But...my god...I know you have to."

...he knew that it wouldn't work. "Imagine there is no tomorrow" wouldn't work at all. Because he could never forget about this. He looked at Graham and Graham looked at him and then his brother bent forward. His lips found Merrill's and pressed softly and Merrill opened his mouth and just...breathed. Took in Graham and had Graham take him in until there was nothing else in the world. Just the two of them in front of their house in the dark and still of the night, with their lips touching. Wanting so much. And after that, as carefully as he had bent forward, Graham moved away, without having Merrill take his eyes away. They stared at each other for long moments, before finally, Merrill turned towards the corn again. He could hear it moving in the darkness.

After a while, Graham walked back to the house. The door shut behind him with a low sound.

Merrill stared at the sky.

There are 200 billion stars in our solar system, Morgan's book had said.

***

He saw Bo sitting on the swing and Morgan standing behind her, pushing, and both of them were staring at him. He saw the house in the sunlight. He saw the bright yellow corn moving softly in the wind. He saw the picnic table still full of what was left of their last lunch together. And when his eyes moved back to the house, he saw Graham meeting his gaze from the front porch.

"There's still time," he seemed to whisper in Merrill's head.

Merrill looked up at the sun.

He could take the next train. Or he could take no train at all. He could take a later train. He would still be there in time. He could be here for another few minutes. He could stay home forever and not leave. He could make a career in the army. Harvest the corn with Graham like they'd always done. Learn how to fight. See Bo in her princess costume at her kindergarten play. Be send away to some foreign country. Go to Morgan's school science fair. Stay with Graham...

Go away.

Merrill slowly bent down and put his suitcase on the ground.

He felt warm and safe, afraid and sad, and happy at the same time. Because no matter where he went and how far away he would go, there would always be a place to come back to. Forever. Graham and the kids and the house and the farm...

"There's another train at six," he said with a low smile.

So they huddled together in the grass and laughed while the sun shone down on them.


End file.
